A LETTER TO MY DAD
Originally Done by Emilly Wairimu - Spoken Word Artist
In
my entire life I have never really held a conversation with you, you see I
feared; I feared not so much how you would react if I told you exactly what was
in my heart but that you wouldn’t even listen.
So
25 years of silence and here I am with a
pen and a paper attempting to tell you that there are things you did, things u
said, things you did not do, and things you did not say that really hurt me, so
behold your daughter; the one who would be the first to meet you at the gate
whenever you came back home, the one who always cried for you whenever you left
with a hope that you would be back again,
I love you dad trust me I did and you have no idea how I long to hearsay that
you cared, that you were proud of me, that I was good enough but NO.
A
“saw what” is what I received whenever I flaunted my good grades to you. A well
done my daughter was too expensive for you and let alone a good education and
if time and space allowed me to tell you how that injured my self-esteem, my confidence,
I tell you how I try to get validation from people around me, how I looked for
you from every man that came my way I loved dad.
With
time all the love I had for you turned into fear, fear into hatred, hatred into
bitterness, bitterness into indifference and before I knew you would cease to exist from my world, I got
accustomed to your absence, I got accustomed to your hard racking words, I got
accustomed to pain, tears, and empty tummy and a bleeding heart.
If time and space allowed me, I will tell you how much mother cried for you if not because of you. I never saw you raise your hand against her but your venomous words cut her deep and you watch her break down piece by piece and what hurt the most is just you did nothing about it you just watched. I watched too but daddy I was a little child forgotten rejected and alone whimpering behind the locked doors of your hut and I hated myself because there was nothing I could do to make things better. I just say maybe I was too young to understand, maybe there was more to what I saw how I would know? Maybe u are a wounded man with a wounded heart, maybe you leave the same story we are leaving. Maybe your father had it worse than most of us. Maybe we are victim, maybe we are all part of a long equation, maybe I am here for such a time at least to break that cycle and introduce Christ.
So
dad, let’s have uji one of this days,
I want to hear your stories. I promise u I will listen, I will pray for you and
tell what happened while you were away, how Christ found me struggling in that
lonely pit of hopelessness, how he washed me clean and clothed me with a rope
of sashay, how he lavish his loved on me, how he paved away from my adaption as
a child of God which he paid for with his own blood. He introduced me to me. He
gave me a new name, he nullified all the negative names words you spoken, he
became everything and I mean everything that I ever needed. So my intention is
not all to make you feel bad about the past that you cannot change NO.
On
the contrary, I would want you to rejoice because of my need for you to let me into
God’s arms. It is through your absence that I felt his tangible presence, my father
who loved me way before I was formed in your Lyons. He who wrote all the days
of my life in his book before any of them came to be. He who created my
innermost being and knead me together in my mother’s womb. He whose I saw my
formed body when I was made in the secret place when I was woven together in the
depth of the Earth. I bore his DNA before I bore your Dad. I was his before I
was yours and therefore I am everything that he says I am. I become everything
he has ordained me to be because my identity is founded in him. I must accept
the struggle relating with him as a father because of you I mean he has been
misrepresented by fathers all over the world and as a result, he has been
rejected by the very little one that he has to heal so it had to take a very
personal encounter for me discover both who he is and who he is not.
It
was then I discovered that he is a literal father and discovered her ability to
understand his fatherhood is not limited to the pictures of fatherhood we have
around as they are all made in his image you see they are all trying to learn
from him because he is the standard, he is perfect, he is the father of all, he
is over all and through all and in all he is the real essence of fatherhood and
for the time I have walked with him, he has taught me the way of love that I
should honour you and give you the respect you deserve. So I have made peace
with the father, we might not be the best of friends after this but I want to tell
you that I love you and from the deepest part of my heart I FORGIVE YOU.
Reviewed by Kenn the Poet
on
June 16, 2021
Rating:
No comments: